Thursday, March 12, 2009

OH NOES! Glenn Beck and Chuck Norris are going to surround me FRIDAY.

As I post this, it is sixteen hours, 4 minutes, and 7 seconds until I and the rest of the liberal fools will be SURROUNDED by Glenn Beck! Run and Hide!

This is rich.

"Do you believe that your voice isn’t loud enough to be heard above the noise anymore?" - god knows they are trying. Beck may not be blessed with a lot of intelligence but he is blessed with some major shouting pipes (and there is always the possibilty he is meta-intelligent, acting dumb to make a crapload of money from morons).

Anyway, we are about to be surrounded apparently. It's unclear exactly what that means, but if it is a literal interpretation then we might be ok, in that Obama won by six percentage points or so.

Beck has nine overriding principles for a good surrounder.

It's great stuff...

1. America is good.

OK, pretty much anyone can get on this bandwagon. For a long time the wingnuts tried to hijack the name of the country. Now, they LOST THE ELECTION in a landslide, but somehow the majority of Americans, who voted for the side that won, believe that America is bad. Seems to me that the wingnuts are the ones that think America is bad - because it elected a President they don't like. Newsflash - America is a Democracy and the fact that sometimes you don't win means that America is in fact good.

2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.

I was raised Catholic. No priest ever molested me and my experience was pretty darn good. I benefitted a lot from listening to parables, it's made me a better person.
I also agree with Bill Maher that a great percentage of the really bad things that have happened in the world have happened due to organized religion, and that a lot of bible thumpers seem to have misread the majority of the Ten Commandments, so I don't appreciate them co-opting religion in order to spread fear and hatred. My belief runs on this line - a just God could care less about if you have faith, and cares very deeply how you treat others. Reciting a stack of psalms at the pearly gates shouldn't get you any extra credit.

3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.

I guess we don't have to worry about Dick Cheney SURROUNDING US.

4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.

Or Rudy Guiliani. Or David Vitter. Or Larry Craig. Rush Limbaugh has been divorced twice.

5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.

"Rush Limbaugh was singled out for prosecution because of who he is. We believe the state attorney's office is applying a double standard."

6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results.

Especially if you are blue-collar but continue to vote against your own self-interests, or you are super-rich and can convince a bunch of wingnut blue-collar racists to vote against their own self-interests.

7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.

Can I stop sharing any of my taxes with Caltrans?

8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion.

Unless your opinion is that of a Democrat apparently. Or you participate in Critical Mass.

9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.

This I agree with. At least since Jan 20, 2009.

No comments: