Monday, March 28, 2011

Official Tea Party Memo: How to write a Letter to the Editor

Fellow Patriots -

In order to further our mission we must make sure to get the word out about the high values that we hold dear. One of the great American traditions, dating back to the shot heard round the world in Concord New Hampshire, is the time honored "Letter to the Editor". It is up to you - Joe Tea Partier - to get the world our in the finer newspapers (meaning newspapers outside of the "Lamestream Media") by writing letters for submission. This may be difficult, fortunately we have instructions for you to follow.

1) Title: The title of your letter will discuss the topic at hand. Please include the word "Force" or some derivative. The letter should discuss one of the following key topics - Taxes, Abortion, Taxes, Gay Marriage, or Taxes.

2) Credentials: Immediately start your letter showing your bonafides. Depending on the topic, either indicate that you are a "small business person" - either in a hard-workin' profession like "plumber" or as a "job creator in a new fangled industry" (taxes) or discuss your faith (abortion, Gay Marriage). If the topic is taxes, be as vague as possible about your occupation, if a faith based topic be as painfully detailed as possible.

3) Blue/Red State Dichotomy: "Dichotomy" is a fancy liberal word for difference. Indicate that you are in a blue state, but that it is really really bad there due to instrusive spread the wealth socialism and loose morals, and that you are sadly going to have to abandon the blue state for a true American Red State.

4) Distribution: Send the letter to a "Certified Patriot Newspaper" in a Blue State, preferably one as far away as possible. Indicate your sympathy for patriots living in that godless high tax state.

Example:

High taxes are forcing state business exodus

I have a multimillion-dollar Internet business in Chicago. Due to tax hikes, I will be leaving Chicago, but not because I am greedy. I cannot afford to pay 60 percent in taxes and expect to survive my competitors. I was looking to open my business in California, either Los Angeles or San Francisco. After calculating the taxes, I could not afford to bring my business to any placein California.

I would have the same problem in California that I had in Illinois. But not only would my business not survive in California, my 10 employees could not afford to live there, and I was told that their taxes would be just more than 50 percent of their income. Final decision: We are all moving to Florida. There, we will only have to pay up to 40 percent in taxes. My business would still be competitive and I think I can hire 10 more employees.

I wrote this letter to inform Californians of the reason that businesses can not survive in the state and have left to move to low-tax areas in the country.

Ann Martinelli, Largo, Fla.


5) Proofreading: Never fear. The "Certified Patriot Newspaper" will do all the necessary spellchecking for you. Do not worry about fact checking. Saying you live in Chicago and are "moving to" Florida, yet your byline says you are in Florida is unimportant. The fact you say you have a "multimillion-dollar Internet business", yet you don't exist on Linked In, nor can any reference to your name be connected to any business at all via "The Google" is just fodder for liberal busybodies who don't work hard and earn an honest day's pay. Nevermind that the City that the "Certified Patriot Newspaper" is in just rolled out a huge tax break for a "multiBILLION-dollar Internet business" that employs thousands of people, or that you aren't very likely to attract the calibre of "internet programmer people" (a.k.a. liberals) to employ in Largo, Florida that you would in Chicago, Los Angeles, or San Francisco. These are just details that the godless left will use to try to besmirch your patriotic vision.

1 comment:

ajwest said...

:taxation without representation was the essence of the American Revolution. Now Congress can pass laws for themselves that elevate them above the US citizen. This is wrong. Congress should be part of the same social security system, and health care system as are all Americans. It must be illegal for them to have made laws that exempt them participating in social security and health care. How can they vote on laws about healthcare and social security when they themselves do not participate in. How can they vote themselves raises instead of using a social security automatic formula? Stand up and change this now. Nobody is above anybody else in the USA. Its time that congressmen learn that. Take away those priviledges and enforce their being part of the main stream. If not, then get out without any retirement unless it is social security or unemployment insurance... not continuation of their salaries forever.